Surviving

My youngest turned three today, and I can't help reflecting on the last few years. I've at once come a long way and gotten nowhere. 

I'm still just trying to survive day to day. And in my book there is no "not surviving" option, but I'm sick of it. I want to live, to do things I enjoy, to not feel like crap all the time...to thrive. I keep seeing those meme's and they aren't inspiring me, they keep reminding me of how limited my options are. 

I don't have to let my disease win and make me feel hopeless, that is true. I do have hope for a better future. But I generally do feel physically miserable most days, I still cannot function physically, and I function on a significantly limited basis mentally. 

It's not exactly enjoyable.  My "good days" are simply the days I don't feel like I'm dying. I am stuck. And I'm tired. And while there is hope that things will get better for me in the future, the future isn't here yet. 

Life's a Stage!

Well, I felt inspired to write a monologue for the stage (First stab at that!) based loosely off of this previous post:  How Cushing's Has Broken My Body  I sent it to some friends last fall, who really liked it and said there was a new performance by our local theater troop, where they were encouraging local writers and filmographers to submit their work.  I let it sit a few months, and in February, was asked if I was going to submit it (I had forgotten, honestly, and almost waited too long!).  I made some revisions with the help of a few good friends and fellow Cushies, and sent it in.  AND, THEY LIKED IT!

It was a bit long and needed a little more editing (not shocking, I've never even acted a monologue out before), but they really wanted to do it.  I was asked to perform it, but even though it is my words, I know I wouldn't be able to remember it.  I don't know if I'd have the energy to do it physically and emotionally.  And considering that I cried every time I read through during editing (seriously, EVERY time), it was clear I'd probably end up bawling through the entire second half...which would kind of ruin the whole point.  lol  They decided they would do it reader's-theater style, due to the short notice and it's length, and I am thrilled.

This Saturday it will be performed for a live audience and I plan to be in the audience.  I'm so excited!  But at the same time, I'm fairly nervous.  I kind of bare my emotional soul, about the heartache and judgement and difficulty of living with Cushing's Disease, and I don't know how others will respond.  I'll let you know...