Surviving

My youngest turned three today, and I can't help reflecting on the last few years. I've at once come a long way and gotten nowhere. 

I'm still just trying to survive day to day. And in my book there is no "not surviving" option, but I'm sick of it. I want to live, to do things I enjoy, to not feel like crap all the time...to thrive. I keep seeing those meme's and they aren't inspiring me, they keep reminding me of how limited my options are. 

I don't have to let my disease win and make me feel hopeless, that is true. I do have hope for a better future. But I generally do feel physically miserable most days, I still cannot function physically, and I function on a significantly limited basis mentally. 

It's not exactly enjoyable.  My "good days" are simply the days I don't feel like I'm dying. I am stuck. And I'm tired. And while there is hope that things will get better for me in the future, the future isn't here yet.