I realized not enough of my medical background is on the blog for me to write posts without inserting a paragraph or three explaining things as I go, so I'll lay it all out for you here:
If you've read my profile and blog you know that I'm a homeschooling, stay-at-home mother of 6 children, the youngest born nearly 7 weeks ago. You'll know that I'm sick with a yet-undiagnosed illness that causes a myriad of crazy symptoms. New to you will be that I saw three doctors and two midwives before I went to see a world-renowned Endocrinologist, "Dr. F", at roughly 35 weeks pregnant because I was so tired of being tired.
While most of my hormones couldn't be tested at that time due to pregnancy, thyroid hormones could be and I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism. My hypothyroidism is caused by Hashimoto's Thyroiditis (an autoimmune disease) and the lab testing is also suggestive of central hypothyroidism (meaning pituitary-caused). Basically, my immune system is attacking my thyroid so my thyroid isn't producing sufficient hormones. Normally if your thyroid hormones are too low your pituitary (which regulates hormone-secreting glands throughout the body) produces more "thyroid stimulating hormone" (TSH) to kick your thyroid into production. In my case, my pituitary wasn't compensating for the deficiency suggesting diminished pituitary function, or hypopituitarism. I've had a large number of blood tests to know exactly what pituitary-related hormones are being effected and how severely, with more testing yet to come. The only result back thus far is my MRI which looks good (IE, a pituitary tumor is now far less likely).
What I consider my worst symptom is the near-debilitating fatigue. I've had a constant level of fatigue (or is it a new drastically lower level of energy?) for the last 6 months or more that is very limiting as far as daily activity is concerned. I've had a little improvement (and I mean little) since my delivery and emergency cesarean recovery, but it has proven to almost be a curse instead of the blessing it should be due to my own desire to just do. Now I feel like I can do more, so I try, and then I inevitably over-do it and have what I call a "crash" that can wipe me out at least for the rest of the day, and at most for a few days or even weeks. I'm still trying to recover from the weekend, and it is probably taking longer than it should because I have such a hard time just doing nothing.
So let me share what a crash feels like. First, it is nothing like regular tiredness or exhaustion that comes on gradually and can be relieved by a little rest relatively quickly, or avoided by slowing down. This kind comes on with no warning whatsoever. By the time the first sign that I've done too much appears, the damage is done. The first sign is usually that my face flushes, regardless of the room temperature or my physical exertion at the time (it isn't like I'm running up stairs --I may even be sitting as emotional stress can be too much for me as well). My cheeks become a lovely rosy color and they're noticeably warmer to the touch. That is followed by the feeling of physical tiredness often accompanied by chills (again, despite the room's temperature, layers of clothing or even blankets). Sometimes it ends there if it isn't too bad of a crash and I can go to bed that day and wake up my "new-normal self" the next morning...tired, but not exhausted. When it has happened earlier in the day or I crash harder, my body goes from tiredness to utter exhaustion where my limbs feel like they're weighted down and I can literally feel the energy it takes to raise a finger or even to hold my head upright. It can even be hard to keep my eyes open, and this phase is often when one of my other symptoms, light sensitivity, is at it's worst. I can often tell how badly I crashed the day before by how I feel upon waking in the morning. After a "regular" day I wake up tired, as if I never went to sleep. The milder crashes don't tend to be any different. A moderate crash and I wake up feeling exhausted already, like I just sat down from a long day of chasing kids. If I do nothing this day and don't have to deal with much in the way of stress or strong emotions, I'll usually be back to my "new-normal" of regular tiredness the next morning. A severe crash hits and I still feel like lead when I wake up --I have to convince myself to lift my arms, head, and legs off the bed to get up. I'd imagine it compares to how one feels after having run a marathon and then sat down...not that I'd know. ;) This usually takes multiple days of almost no energy usage to return to my state of normalcy, if you can call it that.
I have to pre-plan my entire life right now by my energy level. It is not a good thing to be couch-ridden and still have four hours of kid-watching before dad comes home, and if I over-do it too much, I may spend days trying to recover so I can just keep up with those "normal" minimums I do these days. I have to try to ration myself so that I can have the energy I need for the emergencies around my house. I haven't really been able to cook or clean for 6 months or more, I have to make sure I have the energy I need to make a bottle, change a newborn's diaper, and stop fights, etc. I've had a number of days the past few weeks where I've woken up feeling okay and thought I'd try just one thing --folding laundry, cooking a simple meal (as in putting the fish sticks in the oven and chopping the apples and carrots, when I used to spend 1-2 hours a meal to cook everything from scratch before), or cleaning the breakfast dishes off the table. I've crashed quite frequently lately thanks to doing just one simple thing like that before I knew what the day would hold for me. This Sunday (or the Saturday before, actually) was a perfect example, and when I finally do type up my "Mother's Day" post, you'll get to live it vicariously in all it's chaotic splendor. I'm still paying for it...
For a great explanation of how the "rationing" of energy works or feels, I'd suggest reading "The Spoon Theory" by Christine Miserandino; It is a great object lesson.
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