I keep seeing various meme's about how we shouldn't let our illnesses, struggles or tragedies define us. And while I understand the meaning behind that, every time I read one of those "uplifting" thoughts, it just hits me wrong. I've spent some time thinking about it, and I think I know what it is: While "Me" will never fit in a neat little box with just one definition, my disease by all means has become essential to defining who I am.
It appears the onset was approximately 17 years ago. More than half of my life has been spent living with this illness, and it became a part of me before I ever finished puberty or became an adult. I gained approximately 60lbs in one year despite not having changed my eating or exercise habits. My hair went from thick and straight to almost balding-thin and wiry. I developed bright red stretch marks from my elbows to me knees. I became bogged down by depression and anxiety for no apparent reason, and wen...t from being an early riser to being wide awake at night. Things have progressed slowly since then, and I am lucky (in some ways) that I do not have florid disease or I would not be alive, though it's toll increases the longer I am untreated.
This disease really does affect every process within my body and it affects every aspect of my life...My digestion, my energy, my bones and muscles, weight gain and distribution, my ability to sleep, my kidney function, my liver function, it literally shrinks your brain, my skin, my immune system, my veins and arteries, my heart, my ability to heal, my emotions, my pain tolerance, my teeth, my hair, my insulin (and thus blood sugar), my vitamins and minerals, my cravings, all other hormones in my body, my memory, and even my ability to communicate. And this is the simplified version!
I have Cushing's Disease. It has been so much a part of me for so long that I do not know what "normal" is, I don't know what is just "me" and what is the "cushings." I feel certain I will achieve a cure and at least come close to knowing, but I won't ever get back to the "me" I would have been without it. I will forever be a "Cushie" and that doesn't have to be a bad thing.
It appears the onset was approximately 17 years ago. More than half of my life has been spent living with this illness, and it became a part of me before I ever finished puberty or became an adult. I gained approximately 60lbs in one year despite not having changed my eating or exercise habits. My hair went from thick and straight to almost balding-thin and wiry. I developed bright red stretch marks from my elbows to me knees. I became bogged down by depression and anxiety for no apparent reason, and wen...t from being an early riser to being wide awake at night. Things have progressed slowly since then, and I am lucky (in some ways) that I do not have florid disease or I would not be alive, though it's toll increases the longer I am untreated.
This disease really does affect every process within my body and it affects every aspect of my life...My digestion, my energy, my bones and muscles, weight gain and distribution, my ability to sleep, my kidney function, my liver function, it literally shrinks your brain, my skin, my immune system, my veins and arteries, my heart, my ability to heal, my emotions, my pain tolerance, my teeth, my hair, my insulin (and thus blood sugar), my vitamins and minerals, my cravings, all other hormones in my body, my memory, and even my ability to communicate. And this is the simplified version!
I have Cushing's Disease. It has been so much a part of me for so long that I do not know what "normal" is, I don't know what is just "me" and what is the "cushings." I feel certain I will achieve a cure and at least come close to knowing, but I won't ever get back to the "me" I would have been without it. I will forever be a "Cushie" and that doesn't have to be a bad thing.
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