So, how do you respond to someone's suffering?

I think sometimes we just don't know how to respond when we see someone in pain, having a difficult time, or suffering.  Sometimes we say things that drive a wedge between us when we were trying to be supportive or understanding.  Sometimes we increase someone's load instead of lightening it.  I believe there are people who just avoid it (and others in this situation) completely because while they may care, they don't want to do the above.  Well, I've been introduced to some really neat videos that will help you know how to respond and how not to respond.  There is no set of phrases to follow that will always work, each person and situation is different, but it is certainly a lesson worth learning to all who wish to be a support to those around them.

So, first I'll share a short video about the differences between empathy and sympathy, the first forming closer bonds, the second driving people apart:

 

Makes sense, right?

 

Now a longer video (that includes the above) that discusses our need to place blame...and that it stems from a place of desire to control.  It is sometimes easier to blame ourselves or others than to allow that there is no one to blame --this suffering just is what it is:

 

 

And this one is actually my favorite.  If you cannot bring yourself to watch them all, pick this one!  Here she shares her story of how she as a researcher had a breakdown, and learned the power of vulnerability...and with a fair dose of humor, to boot.  This might be a bit off the topic of the post, but it is SO worth the time to listen:

 

 

 

Lastly, another article that will help give a clear boundary guideline for when it is okay to share our own hurts, struggles and hardships, and when it is better for us to simply be a support to help lift someone up.  It's actually an article called "How not to say the wrong thing" from the LA times, and it teaches a very simple principle.  It is also certainly worth a few minutes (below picture from the linked article).